So I got this thing running on my phone while waiting for the bus, right, and the whole time I'm thinking about how the boss's daughter keeps looking at me like I'm a piece of meat. Which is fine, I guess, but then her dad's goons are always around and there's this one scene where you're supposed to fix a camera in the locker room and I swear I spent like ten minutes just clicking on a mop bucket because the hitbox was so janky. The feet stuff is there if you're into that, I'm not judging, but the pov angles during the voyeur bits made me feel like I needed to wipe my screen.

The mafia plot is basically an excuse to get you into threesomes and creampie situations with milfs who definitely know what they're doing. There's a handjob scene in a car that goes on way too long, like okay I get it, you're skilled, move on. But then the anal scene with the criminal lady, the one with the tattoo on her hip, that one actually had some decent dirty talk. The virgin route is weird because you're supposed to be this tough security guy but you blush like an anime kid. Corruption mechanics are just clicking the same dialogue option until a bar fills up, which is boring until suddenly it's not and there's a facial and you're like wait what happened to the story about the rival gang.

The bdsm stuff shows up late and feels tacked on, like someone remembered the tag list at the last minute. But the lesbian scene between the boss's daughter and her bodyguard, that one I replayed twice. Not because it was hot, okay maybe a little, but because the audio kept cutting out and I thought my earbuds were broken. They weren't. The game just does that. Also the group scene near the end has this one girl who clips through the bed and I couldn't stop laughing. Solid fap material if you don't mind the rough edges, and I mean that literally, the 3dcg models have visible seams on their necks.

My phone buzzes. It's Dave from work. "yo did u see the patch notes for that new one? the scifi detective thing" I haven't. I'm three reloads deep trying to not get my dick shot off during a footjob. Let me explain.

The game opens with your apartment exploding. Standard Tuesday. Your partner's gone, Earth's a forgotten museum piece, and everyone's spread across the galaxy like butter on too much toast. The first sex scene happens almost immediately after the tutorial, which is this weirdly animated vaginal sequence with a character I still don't fully trust. The voice acting is actually decent, which caught me off guard. She says something about the criminal underworld and then her foot's in my face. I'm not complaining. The CG animation loops are smooth but sometimes the facial expressions freeze mid-moan and it looks like they're having a stroke. A sexy stroke, but still.

The mystery part is genuinely trying. You're tracking clues about your missing partner while building this harem of morally questionable women. One minute you're examining a holographic crime scene, the next you're getting a handjob from a suspect. The tonal whiplash is insane. There's this one scene where a character explains the lost history of Earth with actual pathos in her voice, and then immediately asks if you want to fuck. I said yes obviously. The graphic violence tag isn't kidding either, some of the death animations are surprisingly crunchy for a porn game. Makes the oral sex scenes feel earned somehow. Like a reward for not getting stabbed.

The humor lands about 60% of the time. Your character has this deadpan delivery that works better than it should. The futuristic setting is mostly just neon and chrome corridors, but there's a charm to how seriously it takes its own dumb plot. I still don't know what happened to Earth and at this point I'm afraid to ask. The footjob scene unlocked after a dialogue choice I made by accident and now I can't figure out how to get back to the main investigation. Dave says there's a walkthrough but where's the fun in that.

the art style is like someone traced over a fernando comic but missed all the good tension from the original, you know the dofantasy stuff. holly and brooke, two girls on this rich boyfriend's island, nathan's place, and then thieves break in. standard setup but the execution is where it gets... i don't know, horny in a way that doesn't quite land. the sissification tag is there but it's not like the mc becomes anything, it's more about one of the guys getting humiliated and dressed up which, okay, fine, but the groping scenes are where it actually works. female protagonist but you don't control much, just click through and watch holly get felt up by criminals while brooke does her own thing.

there's this one scene where holly's on the couch and three guys are just... hands everywhere. the female orgasm moments are weirdly mechanical, like a progress bar you can see filling up behind the text. i kept thinking about how the interracial tag barely matters, it's just there, and the group sex starts feeling repetitive by the third scene. the bdsm elements are light, more like rough handling than actual femdom, even though the tags say female domination. brooke takes charge sometimes but it's inconsistent.

i wish there was a dlc that added actual choices because the visual novel structure is just clicking ahead. maybe something where you could switch perspectives during the group scenes or lean harder into the humiliation stuff instead of just watching it happen. the criminal element is basically just "we're thieves and we're horny" which works for like five minutes. and the female protagonist tag made me think i'd be playing as holly making decisions but nope, you're just reading. forgot to mention the sissy stuff actually gets kind of hot when the guy starts begging but then the scene cuts too fast. like, commit to the bit. the whole thing feels like it's rushing to the next groping scene without letting anything breathe.

Chris won't stop staring at the back of Emilie's neck where her white hair parts. It's the palest skin I've ever seen in one of these things, like milk that's been sitting in moonlight, and the game keeps letting me choose to just... look. Not touch. Not yet. The first hour is almost chaste which feels wrong for something that tags itself with group sex and lactation but then you're in a back alley and some Naruto-looking motherfucker with whisker marks is trying to pressure her into cosplay prostitution and suddenly the choice wheel spins up and my hands got sweaty.

The sound design is just these little wet clicks when you hover over dialogue options. Like someone's mouth opening. It's disgusting. I love it. Kept clicking back and forth just to hear it while Emilie's sprite did that slow blink animation. The Bayonetta parody character shows up later with tits that would genuinely cause spinal damage and the game treats this completely seriously, she's got this tragic backstory about debt and the criminal underworld and I'm sitting there nodding along while her breasts are literally clipping through her costume. Something about the juxtaposition makes it hotter than any of the actual sex scenes so far.

The exhibitionism tag comes into play during this festival sequence where you can convince Emilie to wear less and less and the crowd mechanics are never explained, you just see these little thought bubbles from NPCs getting more explicit and the screen gets this pink tint at the edges like you're both blushing. Or maybe it's a bug. The whole game has this handmade quality, like someone's DeviantArt gallery from 2009 that they're still updating out of pure obsession. Some CGs are gorgeous, the one with Emilie in the rain with her dress stuck to her thighs made me forget to breathe, and then the next scene the anatomy goes completely haywire and her neck is longer than her torso. I'm not complaining. Perfection is boring. The romantic path with Emilie has these genuinely sweet moments about grief and protecting each other and then you can immediately pivot to groping a One Piece cosplayer in a bathroom stall and the game doesn't judge you for it. The lactation content is locked behind some choice I apparently missed and I've been clicking through the same save file for an hour trying to find it.

ok so this game is called Alive and it's a visual novel but like, the kind where you're on vacation and everything goes wrong immediately. you play some guy who's supposed to be relaxing but instead gets wrapped up with criminals and honestly the whole thing feels like a fever dream i had after watching too much anime.

the minigames are weird. there's this one where you have to click on stuff and i kept failing it because i was distracted by the cg hentai scenes that pop up when you least expect them. the art is rough, like deliberately unpolished, which i actually kind of respect. it's not trying to be pretty. it's trying to be something else entirely and i'm not sure what but i kept clicking anyway. the criminal tag makes sense because there's this whole subplot about... actually i forgot what it was about. something with a suitcase? maybe. doesn't matter.

what matters is the scenes hit different when you're not expecting them. there's this one moment with a character whose name i already forgot where the dialogue is so awkward it circles back to being hot. you know that thing where someone's trying to be smooth but they're clearly not and somehow that's better? that's the whole game. the vacation setting makes everything feel temporary and a little desperate, like everyone knows this isn't real life so they might as well. i wish the minigames were skippable but they're not and honestly that's fine because failing them sometimes leads to better scenes. the criminal plot is nonsense but who cares when the cg hentai is this unhinged. just click everything and don't think too hard about why the protagonist is making these choices. he's not thinking either.

I spent way too long on the menu screen. Not because it's impressive, it's actually kind of janky. The font choices are a crime against eyeballs, like someone discovered dafont.com in 2008 and never looked back. But that jank is the point, right? Agent Horny doesn't pretend to be a triple-A experience. It's a browser game where you click through dialogue and occasionally get a CG hentai scene of a woman with proportions that defy physics and probably a few workplace safety regulations. The whole thing feels like it was coded in a basement during a caffeine psychosis, and honestly, that's its charm.

The plot is nonsense. You're a secret agent who fucks up a lot, and also fucks a lot. There's a criminal organization, I think? I clicked through some text about evil plans but I was mostly waiting for the next corruption scene. The femdom tag is doing heavy lifting here. One scene with a rival agent, she's got this look, you know the one, where the artist spent 90% of the time on the eyes and the glint of power in them and 10% on the background which is just a blurry gray mess. She's got you pinned, literally or figuratively, and the dialogue is so blunt it wraps back around to being hot. "I'm going to break you." Okay, sure, my character's internal monologue is probably just dial-up noises at that point. The romance path feels tacked on, like the dev remembered some people want feelings with their felonies. It's weirdly sweet in a way that clashes with the domination stuff. Pick a lane, buddy.

The replayability is a trap. I told myself I'd see all the CGs, but the skip button is my real partner now. The criminal tag is just window dressing for sex in vaguely dangerous locations. There's a scene in what I assume is a warehouse, lots of crates, zero workplace safety. The visual novel structure means you're just picking options to see which flavor of degenerate you get. It's not Slay the Spire, your choices don't echo through a complex system. They just unlock a different jpeg. And yet, I'm still clicking. The art style, that unpolished CG hentai look, has a specific appeal. It's like finding a dusty magazine in an abandoned building. You know it's not high art, but the crudeness makes it feel more transgressive, more private. The agent's smirk in one corruption scene is burned into my brain, a crooked little thing that says the artist actually gave a damn for that one frame. The rest of the game is held together with tape and horny dreams, but that smirk? That's a five-star review on a site that doesn't exist.

ok so like the cg hentai scenes in alexandra hit different when you're alt tabbing between this and discord while the boys are spamming KEKW at some poor soul's bad take. the blonde girl's design is basic but the artist really went off on the mouth stuff, like someone on the art team had a very specific vision and honestly? respect the dedication. the blowjob scenes have this weirdly detailed saliva physics that i spent way too long examining instead of reading the actual dialogue.

the whole criminal dad plot is there i guess but who cares when alexandra's giving you that look. you know the one. the visual novel parts drag sometimes with text boxes that feel like they were written by someone who just discovered what a metaphor is, but then you get to the good bits and suddenly you forget about the three paragraphs of inner monologue about running from your past. the game knows what it's selling and it sells it hard. the dad being a criminal is supposed to add tension but honestly it just makes me wonder what his deal is, like is he a mob boss or just some guy who does tax fraud. the game never really says and that bugs me more than it should.

there's this one scene where alexandra's hair clips through her shoulder and i laughed so hard i nearly choked on my drink. the modding community for this is surprisingly dead which is a crime because imagine what the sickos on some forum could do with custom dialogue options. give me a dlc where the dad catches you and you have to talk your way out of it while alexandra's just standing there. that's content. anyway the game's a solid fap material if you can ignore the writing that takes itself way too seriously between the scenes that actually matter.

The Delucci family doesn't ask twice, but here you are, a made man babysitting your ex-wife's kids because some idiot tried to clip them. The Guardian opens with that setup and then mostly forgets it exists for long stretches, which is fine because the real draw is the tension between playing protector and playing predator. The CG hentai scenes are deliberately rough around the edges, like someone sketched them on a napkin then colored them in with cheap markers, but that messiness works for the material. You're not getting polished anime tits here, you're getting the visual equivalent of a back-alley handjob, quick and dirty and a little ashamed of itself.

The milf angle is strong, your ex-wife has that worn-down but still fighting look, and the family tag gets stretched in ways that would make actual gangsters uncomfortable. There's a scene where you have to decide whether to tell her son about the family business while she's in the next room, and the game doesn't judge you either way, which is more than I can say for most visual novels that pretend choice matters. The gangster stuff is mostly window dressing, a few mentions of Delucci orders and one guy named Tony who exists to remind you this isn't just a stepfamily simulator. The criminal tag is doing a lot of heavy lifting for what's basically a domestic drama with guns in the background.

Criticism buried here: the writing sometimes reads like it was translated through three languages and a hangover, and the plot about who attacked the family gets dropped so hard you'll forget it was ever a thing. But then a CG pops up of the ex-wife in a compromising position with the protagonist's hand on her throat, and you remember why you clicked. The game knows what it is. Does it protect the children or corrupt them? That's the only question that matters, and the answer changes depending on how much of a bastard you want to be. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?

Getting out from prison is only half of the thing - now our primary character will have to discover the back home. Not in literal however in emotional significance ofcourse. He got his flexibility from conrete walls however he did not get the flexibility from criminal influence since two cyclist gangs want to get our guy into their rows. Will he choose one or one more or discover his own path ultimately? Depend upon your options!