The cards feel cheap. Not in a metaphorical way, the actual digital cards have this weird slickness to them, like they've been laminated too many times. And that's the first thing you notice, not the blonde in the red lingerie set who's already giving you this look like she knows you're holding garbage. Which you probably are. The whole setup is a poker table, two women, you, and a mechanic where you can steal discarded cards. That's the game. Steal cards to make better hands, they lose clothes. Simple.

But the stealing part, man. It's this weird little arcade minigame where you have to click at the right moment on a moving bar. Miss and you get nothing. Hit it and you snatch that card right out of the discard pile. The brunette, she's wearing this black lace number, she actually reacts when you take her cards. A little pout, a shift in her seat. The real model tag isn't lying, these are actual women filmed and looped, and there's something about the way the lighting catches the pole behind them that makes the whole thing feel like a backroom in a club that's about to close. The pole is just there, by the way. Nobody uses it. It's just set dressing, which is almost offensive. You put a pole in a strip poker game and nobody dances on it? What are we even doing here.

The poker itself is basic five card draw. The AI is dumb as rocks, will fold on anything, but that's not the point. The point is the slow reveal, the way the blonde's bra strap slips down her shoulder after you win a hand with a stolen pair of queens. The animations are janky, the transitions between states are abrupt, and the sound design is basically nonexistent except for a generic shuffle noise that loops. There's no real replay value once you've seen both models fully stripped, which takes maybe fifteen minutes. But for those fifteen minutes, sitting there in the glow of a monitor that's probably too bright, it's a decent enough distraction. Just wish that pole wasn't so aggressively useless.