Right, so I fired the last one. Couldn't hit a barn door with a dart, let alone the right card. This new setup though. Two secretaries. A blonde and a brunette, both in the kind of lingerie that makes you forget how probability works. The game's called Poker-Darts, which is exactly what it sounds like, a dartboard with playing cards instead of numbers. You're trying to build a poker hand while they stand there, looking like they've just stepped out of a... where was I? Oh yeah, the darts.

The throwing mechanic feels like it was coded by someone who learned physics from a cereal box prize. Sometimes the dart floats like a paper plane, other times it drops like a stone. I spent three rounds just trying to hit a pair of queens while the blonde smirked at me. That smirk. You want to wipe it off her face, which is the whole point I guess. Strip poker without the tedious betting, replaced by the chaos of a pub game. The real model thing is a bit uncanny at first, their expressions don't change much, but then the brunette loses her top and suddenly you're not thinking about facial animation rigging.

It's not polished. The menu looks like a PowerPoint slide from 2005 and the music loops in a way that drills into your skull. But there's this moment when you finally nail a full house, the dart lands with a satisfying thunk, and a piece of clothing just vanishes. No fanfare, just gone. The game doesn't even acknowledge it properly. You're just one step closer to the end and they're still standing there, arms crossed, waiting for you to miss. I never did figure out if the AI actually plays back or just waits its turn. Doesn't matter. You're not here for the strategic depth of a card game. You're here because the blonde's bra strap looks like it's about to give up and you've got one dart left.