I don't know what I expected from a game called Orgasmic Witch Blood Queen but it sure wasn't this. The title sounds like someone threw darts at a board of horny words. And yet here I am, playing as Jennifer, some witch who just inherited her dead dad's stuff. The lawyer scene at the start is so stiff I thought my browser froze. Nobody talks like that. But then the game opens up into this weird sandbox thing and suddenly I'm getting groped in town by random NPCs who have zero chill.

The RPGMaker bones are showing everywhere. Characters slide around like they're on ice. The 3DCG models look like they were rendered on a potato from 2009. Big tits and big asses everywhere, physics defying, jiggling in ways that make me think the developer has never seen actual human bodies. But that's not the point is it. The point is the sleep sex stuff and the voyeurism and the masturbation scenes that pop up when you least expect them. I triggered one by clicking on a bed three times. Three times. Why three. Nobody knows. The game doesn't tell you shit.

The sexual harassment is constant. Like, walk down the street and boom, some dude's hands are on Jennifer. She doesn't seem to mind much which is its own whole thing. The voyeurism bits are actually where the game gets interesting, peeping through windows, watching scenes unfold. There's this one moment in the inn that caught me off guard, the framing was actually decent. But then the dialogue kicks in again and it's like reading a machine translation of a machine translation. I wish the sandbox elements connected better, the world feels empty between the horny setpieces. The remake tag makes me wonder what the original was like, probably even jankier. The whole thing has this unpolished charm that I can't decide if I hate or if it's working on me. The big ass physics alone are worth a laugh.