You know what got me stuck for like twenty minutes? The goddamn locker room scene. Not because it was hard to figure out, but because I kept clicking on the same pair of tits over and over just to see if the dialogue would change. It didn't. But I wasn't mad about it. Jimmy Napkins, this little shithead who's been kicked out of every school in the county, ends up at Lustworth Academy and immediately starts treating the place like his personal porn buffet. The handjob under the bleachers during gym class felt almost too easy, like the teacher was just waiting for an excuse to ignore us.

The writing is stupid. Deliberately stupid. There's a joke about a footjob that made me close the tab and stare at my wall for a solid minute, not because it was offensive but because it was so aggressively dumb I couldn't believe someone wrote it and then someone else animated it. The art style, that weird 2D cartoon thing where everyone's proportions are insane, tits the size of beanbag chairs and asses that defy physics, it works for what it is. The parody elements are there if you squint, references to teen movies and prep school tropes, but mostly it's just an excuse to string together sex scenes with the thinnest possible plot. I wish the groping mechanic had more consequence. You can basically feel up anyone and the reaction is always some variation of "oh you scamp" before they're pulling their shirt off. Where's the drama? Where's the risk?

There's this one scene with a milf teacher, Mrs. something or other, where you can choose between a titjob or going down on her, and I picked the titjob obviously, but then the game just... moved on. No callback. No "remember that time in the supply closet?" Nothing. It's like the game has the memory of a goldfish with a head injury. The lesbian scene between two cheerleaders that you can spy on through a window is hot, don't get me wrong, but the male protagonist just stands there like a mannequin. Let me join, you cowards. The anal sex unlockable is buried behind some weird prank questline involving the principal's desk that I still haven't finished because honestly the exhibitionism stuff in the quad is more immediately gratifying. I keep opening the game on my phone browser during lunch breaks at work, which is probably a cry for help. The romance paths are there but they feel like an afterthought, which is fine I guess, I'm not here for heartfelt confessions. I'm here because the blowjob animations have this sloppy quality that the rest of the game lacks, like the artist actually cared about those frames. The masturbation scenes are weirdly clinical though, like watching a biology diagram come to life. Anyway the whole thing crashes sometimes when you try to load saves but whatever.