The first thing that hits me, and I mean this, is the sound. Or lack of it. The music is this short loop that honestly sounds like a washing machine trying to seduce you, and the chip sounds when you shoot, it’s so basic. I spent way too long just clicking the shoot button to hear it, like a cat with a laser pointer. The game itself is that classic arcade shooter, you know the one, but instead of aliens you’re just blasting these little yellow chips that fly across the screen. And if you miss too many, the woman on screen, she’s a real model, not some drawing, keeps her clothes on. It’s a threesome setup this time, two girls, but I kept forgetting about the second one because I was so focused on not screwing up my aim.

This one girl, she has this look when you miss a chip. It’s not a game over screen or a big red X, it’s just her face, this tiny smirk that’s somehow worse than any insult. I got so fixated on it I missed like five chips in a row just to see it again, which is the exact opposite of what you’re supposed to do. My brain turned into a pretzel. The striptease is tied to your score, obviously, but the arcade part is so simple it’s almost hypnotic. You just move this little crosshair left and right. There is a card game tag but I honestly could not tell you where the cards are, maybe it’s a menu thing? I was too busy. The whole thing feels like a very specific, weird dream you’d have after falling asleep on your keyboard.

I’m giving this the “Best Use of a Disappointed Glare” award. The way the model just, looks at you when you fail, it’s more memorable than the stripping itself, which is a compliment I think. The erotic part is there, sure, it’s a striptease, but the real tension is in not letting this pixel woman down. I forgot to mention, the chips sometimes bounce in a way that feels personal, like the game is cheating. It probably isn’t, but it feels like it. Anyway, the music loop, I can still hear it.