That pool cue feels wrong in my hands. Not the weight, that's fine. It's the texture. Like someone sanded it with a cheese grater and then dipped it in that rubber coating they put on cheap phone cases. You know the ones. I spent maybe seven minutes just rubbing my thumb against it before I even lined up my first shot. The blonde on the green is watching me, arms crossed, tapping her foot. Her name's something generic, I forget. Doesn't matter. What matters is the angle.

The physics are... a choice. Definitely a choice. Sometimes the ball rolls like it's on velvet, other times it skids sideways like a cat on a hardwood floor. I sunk three balls in a row purely by accident and she started unbuttoning her top. The music, some royalty free saxophone loop that sounds like it was recorded in a bathroom, kicked up a notch. I laughed. Not because it was sexy but because the whole thing is so aggressively unpolished that it circles back around to charming. The models are real women, I think. They have that look, you know? Like someone's aunt agreed to pose for a calendar and then somehow ended up in this browser game. The blonde has a tattoo on her hip that pixelates when she moves. I stared at it for too long.

Then there's the billiard part. Wait, no, it's golf. But with a pool cue. The holes are on a green but you're using a cue stick and the balls are white and numbered. My brain kept short circuiting trying to categorize what sport I was even playing. Strip billiard golf. Sure. Why not. The arcade elements are there, power meters and spin controls that don't seem to do anything. I'd aim left, the ball would go right, and another piece of clothing would hit the virtual floor. The inconsistency is almost hypnotic. I found myself not caring about the stripping anymore, just genuinely curious what the physics engine would do next. That's not what I came for but here we are. The saxophone loop is still playing in my head and I can't make it stop.