Booting up this thing I expected the usual. You know the drill, some elf chick with a chest that defies ship gravity, a plot thinner than a space suit in a meteor storm. What I got was... well, okay, it's still that. But the first time my ship's AI, this android with pointy ears because of course, started describing the tactical weaknesses of a pirate frigate while I was trying to click on her panties, I felt something. Confusion, mostly. The point and click is janky, like trying to operate a touch screen with a sausage. You'll miss the hotspot for a titty grab and accidentally initiate a deep space scan. That happened three times. I still don't know what deuterium is.

The MC falls asleep playing an MMO and wakes up inside it. Groundbreaking. The "mysterious" part is why the elves have USB ports behind their ears. Nobody talks about it. You just click it. The sexual content is about as subtle as a supernova, which is the point. One moment you're negotiating a trade route with a space elf matriarch, the next you're rearranging her circuitry. The writing for these scenes reads like it was translated by a horny AI that learned English exclusively from old IRC chat logs. "Your fleshy appendage initiates docking sequence." I'm not even joking. It's beautiful garbage.

The APK version is a thing that exists. I tried it on my phone during a particularly dull family dinner. The less said about that, the better. The game forgets it's a visual novel sometimes and just throws a static image of a nebula at you for five clicks. Pure nothing. Then an elf with a gun shows up. She has no name. I called her Steve. The humor isn't intentional but it's there, lurking in the dead eyes of the characters and the way dialogue options just appear. What will you do to shape your destiny? Probably click the left tit. It's always the left one.