This thing knows I've been staring at Carmen Electra since I was a teenager. It just... knows. The whole premise is ridiculous, right? A hundred celebrities and you're supposed to guess their cup size. Britney, Pam, Cameron, Elisha Cuthbert from that one show. The game throws up a name and three options, like A, C, DD, and you click. That's it. That's the whole game. No animations, no reward screens where they take their tops off, nothing. Just a correct answer sound or a wrong buzzer and then the next name. I kept playing anyway.

The art is deliberately shit. Like someone traced over magazine covers with a mouse in MS Paint back in 2002. The faces are all wrong, eyes looking in different directions, but the tits are always the focus. Obviously. Some of them are so badly proportioned it becomes its own kind of comedy. There's this one drawing of Pamela Anderson where her chest looks like two weather balloons strapped to a stick figure. I laughed out loud, then felt weird about laughing, then kept clicking. The soundtrack is this one loop of what sounds like a royalty free porno riff played on a toy keyboard. It drills into your skull after three minutes. I muted it and put on my own music, which made the whole experience even more surreal.

I don't know why I needed to prove I knew Christina Aguilera's bra size from her Dirrty era. But apparently I did. And I was right, which is maybe not something to be proud of. The game doesn't keep score properly. Sometimes it says I'm wrong when I'm definitely right. Who programmed this? What was their reference material? There's no payoff, no final gallery, no "congratulations you pervert" screen. Just an endless loop of pixelated celebrity cleavage and bad guesses. I think I played for forty minutes. I'm not sure I could stop. What does that say about me? The game asks nothing and gives less, and yet here I am, still thinking about whether that one drawing of Jennifer Love Hewitt was accurate. It wasn't. I checked.