ok so i was scrolling through itch.io looking for something quick and dumb and found this incredibles parody thing. you know how these go, right? it's a kinetic novel so you just click and watch. no choices. just helen parr getting absolutely wrecked by increasingly stupid objects.

the 3dcg is rough. like really rough. her face looks like a melted barbie doll in some scenes and the lighting makes everyone look like they're made of plastic. but honestly that's part of the charm? i don't know. the first scene she's just sitting there all innocent and then suddenly there's a toy the size of my forearm and she's just... taking it. the anatomy doesn't make sense. her ass is comically huge. like someone inflated a beach ball and painted it skin color. i laughed out loud when i saw it.

there's this one scene with violet that comes out of nowhere. mother daughter bonding i guess? they're both using these ridiculous toys and the whole thing feels like someone's fever dream. the nipple penetration tag is not lying btw. i had to pause and just stare at my screen for a minute. who comes up with this stuff. the fisting scene is animated in this jerky way that reminds me of those old flash games from newgrounds where the physics were all wrong.

the sound design is nonexistent basically. just some looping moans that sound like they were recorded in a bathroom. i kept thinking about how weird it is that we have this whole genre of unpolished porn games where the jank is the whole point. like if it was too polished it would be creepy in a different way. this is just some horny mess someone made in blender over a weekend and honestly respect. the corruption tag is there but it's not really a slow burn, she goes from zero to giant toy in like three clicks. whatever. my phone autocorrected "blender" to "blender" three times while writing this.

Hydragodon episode feels like someone mashed a horny Pokémon clone with a shitpost fanfic and forgot to put on the brakes. You’re running around this weird, goofy world full of Pussmon, but this time you don’t just “catch” them, you basically bully them into being your pets with stupid little mini games that look like something from a cursed Newgrounds archive. One second you’re doing a quick timing game, next second the screen cuts straight to a pussy getting stretched, fist deep, like it’s the most normal thing in the world. The tone jumps between silly, dumb jokes and “oh, that’s a whole arm in there” so fast it actually works, somehow. It feels like a hentai parody that grew too much lore by accident. There’s this whole myth around Hydragodon, like some legendary boss Pussmon, and every time the story brings it up, you’re expecting some epic scene, but then the game reminds you it’s mostly about monsters fucking and licking and riding each other in every messy way possible.

What cracked me up is how the furry stuff and the lesbian scenes just sit there like they’ve always been standard RPG side quests. You’re talking to this new character, Dara, and the dialogue hops from dumb jokes to serious “ancient legend” talk, then she’s suddenly in a scene with a Pussmon girl, tongue everywhere, fingers everywhere, like the story just took a smoke break so the porn can clock in. Some of the Pussmon girls are cute, some look like they crawled out of a DeviantArt folder from 2010, but the animations go hard on the action. There’s this one scene where the fisting is not even teased, it just cuts to it and the girl is spread wide, taking it like she trained her whole life for that moment. It’s brutal and funny at same time, because the character is still making dumb horny jokes while you’re watching her get opened up like a suitcase. The “big battle” between those two Pussmon everyone kept talking about turns into exactly what you think it is: not a real fight, more like a lewd showdown where slaps and hits turn into gropes and then they’re basically trying to out-fuck each other. The game pretends your choices matter with the different endings, like you’re some grand adventurer making heavy decisions, but really you’re just picking which flavor of monster girl pussy and who’s on top when the scene cuts in. It’s messy, uneven, horny as hell, and half the time you’re just clicking through dialogue to get back to the next animated bit where someone gets her ass, tail, or everything else handled in very explicit detail.

Danny McCroy, you absolute mess of a protagonist. Watching you fumble through another "adventure" with that permanently confused look on your 3DCG face is like seeing a puppy discover its own reflection, except the puppy is trying to fist a woman old enough to be its very accommodating aunt. The game clearly spent its entire rendering budget on the women's assets, specifically the ones that could double as flotation devices, and left Danny looking like he was sculpted from leftover clay. His face barely moves during the most intense anal scenes, just that same dead eyed stare while a mature Asian woman goes to town with a toy that probably needs its own safety manual. Commitment to the bit, I guess.

Here's what gets me. The fisting scene in the second chapter. The way her back arches, the completely unnecessary but absolutely appreciated close up on the stretched elastic of her stockings. It's like the animator discovered a new button and just held it down. The sound design is basically two wet steaks slapping together on a tile floor, which is somehow both off putting and exactly right. Then you try to click through dialogue options and the text box freezes for a solid five seconds. Just locks up while a moan loops like a broken car alarm. Had to refresh the whole browser tab, lost my place, had to watch Danny's dumb blank expression reappear while the audio desynced. Great.

Reminds me of those old flash games on Newgrounds where you'd be genuinely impressed by one specific animation, like a jiggle physics breakthrough, and then the next screen would be stick figures. The cunnilingus scenes have this weird attention to detail, the tongue work is almost thoughtful, and then the vaginal sex sequences look like two mannequins being pushed together by a bored giant. The sex toy integration is the real star though, especially when the big ass comes into frame and the whole thing just becomes a study in volume and collision detection. Danny's role is basically to stand there and provide a penis, which, fair enough, that's the tag. Just wish he'd blink occasionally.