The whole thing is a lie, right from the first click. It promises some deep psychological hentai dive, maybe a twisted visual novel, but nah. You get a quiz. A fucking New Year's resolution quiz with anime tiddies. I answered honestly, like a chump, picking the serious relationship options because I was feeling lonely after scrolling through Tinder and finding nothing but bots and girls promoting their OnlyFans. The game, this "test," it just kept showing me pictures of girls in swimsuits looking disappointed. Like my grandma's face but with bigger boobs and less subtle judgment.

The soundtrack is just a 10-second loop of what sounds like a dying music box, and it drills into your skull. I started laughing when the "psychology" tag kicked in, because the questions are insane. One moment it's asking about your ideal first date, the next it's "do you think a stray cat's opinion matters?" and I swear the game forgot what it was doing mid-sentence. The humor is accidental, I think. The art is deliberately unpolished, which is a fancy way of saying it looks like a rushed commission from a guy who only knows how to draw one body type and got paid in exposure. I wish there was an option to just... I don't know, fight the quiz master? But there won't be.

Got my result. Apparently my year is going to be "serious relationships" but the final picture was a girl in a micro bikini winking next to a text box that just said "LOL." So what the hell does that mean? The replayability is a joke, but I did it three times just to see if the swimsuit pics changed. They didn't. The voice acting is non-existent, just that godawful music box, and I think that's the real psychological horror. If you're the type who gets off on being gaslit by a broken flash game from 2005, this is your holy grail. I need a cigarette and I don't even smoke.