The loading screen is a pip-boy that’s seen better days, all cracked green and flickering, and right away I’m thinking about that one mod for Fallout 4 that got my nexus account banned. Not saying which. This thing drops you into a vault where the overseer’s big plan isn’t water chips or GECKs, it’s getting everyone knocked up. You play some vault dweller who’s supposed to be the savior of humanity through sheer, uh, output. The management layer is basically a spreadsheet of who’s ovulating and who needs a good dicking down, and I spent way too long optimizing routes between the hydroponics bay and the living quarters like I was playing fucking Factorio with tits.

The art is 2D and looks like it was drawn by someone who learned anatomy from a vandalized textbook. Proportions are absurd. There’s a character with knockers so big they have their own gravitational pull, and the anal scenes don’t even pretend to care about physics. It’s glorious. The hard sex tags aren’t lying, there’s a domination system where you can break in new slaves from the wasteland, and the oral animations have that sloppy, desperate energy that makes you forget the plot is held together with duct tape. I just wish the violence had more crunch to it, you know? You can slap a raider around but it feels like hitting a pillow. Missed opportunity.

Outside the vault it’s a parody that doesn’t know it’s a parody. Super mutants want to trade semen samples. A deathclaw encounter ended with a dialogue option I still think about in the shower. The male protag is a blank slate with a cock that’s always ready, and the game never lets you forget your sacred duty is to repopulate. Dare to play it alone, or invite company? Actually don’t, this is a solo degenerate mission if I’ve ever seen one. The whole thing runs in browser and crashed my tablet twice, but I kept reloading because somewhere between assigning a breeding schedule and watching a slave get throatfucked, I realized I was taking notes. Real notes. On paper. That’s when you know a game’s got its hooks in, even if it’s a buggy mess that’ll never get patched.