Spider Slut’s web fluid isn’t the only thing getting sticky in this one. The whole thing opens with Peeper Parker mid swing, and I don’t mean through the city. The Green Knob Gobbler, a name that sounds like a rejected South Park villain, has Mary J tied up and she’s absolutely baked. Not in danger, just high as hell, giggling while this goblin freak monologues about his “power cake.” The dialogue is so stupid it loops back around to genius. I spent way too long just clicking on the cake. It’s a whole thing. The cake is a lie, but here it’s a sex trigger.

The art is deliberately crusty, like a Newgrounds flashback you’d hide from your mom. JJ Johnson shows up to get the “full scoop” and his face is just three lines. I’m not even sure the artist knows what a human neck looks like. But the jank is the point. A hard sex scene with the Green Goblin parody starts and the animation is basically two action figures being smashed together by a kid. The sound design is what gets me. There’s a squelch that sounds exactly like a boot being pulled out of mud. It’s not hot, it’s hilarious, and then suddenly it is hot because the game just commits to the absurdity without a single wink. You’re torturing a superheroine with a baked good and a green dick, and the power dynamics are all over the place.

Unlocking the full Charlie scene is a pain in the ass though. The hitboxes are pure evil, smaller than my patience. I clicked a lamp for five minutes straight. Why is the lamp interactive? It does nothing. This is the kind of game that makes you question your life choices while a stoned Mary J delivers a line that made me snort coffee. The humor is the lubricant here. Dare to play it alone, or invite company?