Fairies with massive racks and a serious attitude problem, I guess. The whole premise is some sort of tower defense thing where Bertha and Jasmine, these two chunky magic ladies, are floating at you full of menace. Or maybe they're just ignoring you completely, which happens more often than it should. One second you're lining up a perfect shot, the next they're just phasing through your projectiles like you're not worth the effort. Honestly, it stings a little.

The weapons are what get me though. There's a cannon, right, and you're supposed to lob these pixel dildos or soft serve ice cream cones at the incoming fairies. It's like the most unhinged county fair game ever conceived. The whole score system hangs on matching the right ammo to the right girl. Shoot a cone at Bertha when she wanted a dildo? Points gone, you absolute degenerate. She's worth two points, Jasmine is only worth one, so you naturally favor the bigger target but then you fumble the ammo swap and the whole thing just falls apart. My coordination is apparently garbage.

The lack of polish is a feature, I'm telling myself. It's all rough and janky in a way that feels less like a finished game and more like someone's fever dream coded directly into a browser. The fairies will just drift past your defenses while you're frantically clicking, and the hit detection feels like a suggestion. Bertha takes up so much of the screen with her big tits that you'd think she'd be easy to hit, but no. I lost a run because three Jasmines just strolled on through while my gun was loaded with the wrong silicone nonsense. This is my life now, cursing at a BBW fairy for ignoring my frozen dairy projectile. The whole thing is stupid. I mean that as a compliment, mostly.