You are playing as Mike Swanson. You are functioning as an instructor at acrobatics college for numerous years and for this moment you have actually elevated numerous champs. Among them has also come to be an Olympic Gold champion! So no marvel that numerous brand-new pupils desire to be your pupils. Yet do they have all the top qualities that are requried? Of this you can inform just after an individual tryout. Really individual tryout...

You know when a game is just... aggressively single minded? Fucktown's hitchhiker pickup sim doesn't waste a second. The title screen might as well be a direct proposition. A car, a road, a girl with a thumb out and tits that defy the physics of her slim frame. The art is rough, deliberately so, like someone sketched it on a napkin after a very specific dream and then scanned it in without cleaning up the lines.

And somehow that's the charm. The whole thing runs on pure id. Click the car. Click the girl. She gets in. The dialogue is not Proust. "You're going to Bay City?" she asks, her pixelated mouth a smear of anticipation. The seduce mechanic is basically just clicking her body parts in a sequence that feels less like a puzzle and more like fumbling with a bra strap in the dark. Miss a click and she gets annoyed, a little frown appearing. Hit the right spot, the one the game clearly wants you to find, and her top just... evaporates. A hitchhiker's shirt, gone. Poof. I actually snorted my drink.

The oral scene unlocks with the same graceless inevitability. It's a hentai logic loop. One minute you're discussing the weather, the next her head is in your lap and the animation is a three frame loop that looks like it was made in MS Paint during a particularly inspired lunch break. The sounds, god, the sounds are like a wet mop being slapped against a tile floor. I can't tell if it's terrible or transcendent. The whole experience is maybe five minutes long, a concentrated shot of sleaze with no foreplay and certainly no afterglow. The Bay City destination is a lie, a macguffin. The journey is the only point, and the journey ends with a sticky, unsatisfying pop-up that just says "You win."

I unironically love how little it pretends to be anything else. It's not a game, it's a dirty doodle that learned how to accept mouse inputs.